The day is perfect. I have never been happier or more at peace in my entire life. I look up and notice that the sky is the perfect shade of royal blue, just starting to darken to a deep purple around the edges as twilight dawns, while a sliver of moon sits in the northern sky above me. Not a cloud is visible in the sky. The faint small of sea salt lingers in the air. The grass is dusted with a fine layer of sand from recent wind storms, but there is no wind today. The air is still and welcoming, almost inviting, and not at all suffocating. Almost as if mother earth were holding her breath and waiting.

People always told me I was too pretty to have problems as I come to a halt near the edge of the cliff. I peer over the ledge, watching the angry grey water swirl below, frothy and menacing. What does pretty have to do with anything, I think as I feel a pinch of anger in my abdomen. What matters are feelings. What matters is being valued and respected by other people. What matters is an acknowledgement, no matter how small, for a job well done, for even making an effort at all. If all else fails, and my life has been full of failures… What matters is just plain acknowledgement for being alive. I have never asked for much. I didn’t ask to be pretty.

I slowly inch closer to the ledge, the tip of my big toe starting to curl over the jagged edge. Sharp like a razor blade, the ledge begins to cut into my toe, and I pull it back an inch. I peer over the edge of the massive cliff and notice how the earth bows inward, eroded over time by the crashing waves. I can relate. There’s only so much pounding, crashing, jolting any surface can take before it starts to wear away and erode, buckling under the constant hammering pressure.

I move my foot another inch forward and watch a pebble fall from the ledge. It falls a full 70 feet straight down into the frothy water below, almost as if in slow motion. I kick a few more pieces of sand and watch them fall. They, too, are swallowed into the grey water below. Disappearing into the vast nothingness that is the ocean below. My heart skips a beat and then calms.